So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
