the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Actions speak louder than pants.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
