its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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