never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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