Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
