She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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