I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize