i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
