Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
