White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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