I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize