Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
