so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We left the knife in your bed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
not ubering you a puppy
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