my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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