my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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