And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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