oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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