oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
