Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Can Purell be used as lube?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
