There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
