do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
