Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
