i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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