I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
