Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So apparently I’m into choking now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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