haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
