Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
