I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
