You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I still have a little drunk in my system
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
