So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
