Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
