Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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