at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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