I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
