your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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