girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
