You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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