You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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