awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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