Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
where does the pee come out of this thing
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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