WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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