She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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