he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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