True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
