No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
40s are totally the cure
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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