found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
