Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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