Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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