Me too!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ketchup is God's man juice
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
