Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
