He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
