A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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