I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
