Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
