My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
