well you can't waste a boner
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize