She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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