nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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