I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need to calm my uterus...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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