He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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