I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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