in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
