big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
