I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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