mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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