glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
