he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
