I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
