You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
